The Responsible Life

Your beliefs become your thoughts
Your thoughts become your words
Your words become your actions
Your actions become your habits
Your habits become your character
Your character become your destiny

I spent the past seven blogs breaking down this quote and today I want to finish this series by showing you how to put it all back together again. We all look at our lives and find things we wish were different and wish we could change, but it all seems so overwhelming.  We don’t know where to start so we sometimes do nothing, and justify who we have become and where we are in life.

Here is how the change process works. All you need to do is choose one area to work on first and then all the other areas will change and shift automatically to align with the change you made in that one area. It does not matter where you start. Let’s say I choose to start focusing on the words I speak over myself. As I being to speak positive, loving words, my thoughts will automatically begin to be more loving toward myself. I will begin to believe I am worth loving. I will start doing more loving things for myself. I will begin to create habits that are good for me. People will begin to see me as a person with loving character traits. And my destiny will begin to shift into a more positive direction. To make this happen I did not have to spend enormous amounts of time focusing on each of these seven areas, I just chose one area to focus on and all the other areas over time came into alignment. I could have chosen to begin with habits instead of words, and the same change would have happened.

Sometimes as you go through this change process you may feel stuck. This is because your beliefs, thoughts, words, actions, habits, character and destiny are already hardwired in your brain by the time you reach adulthood due to your past choices and life experiences. It helps to have someone you are accountable to, someone to encourage and help you through the change process. Don’t be afraid to seek out professional counseling. We are trained in how to re-program you mind so you can live the life you really want, rather than the one pre-programmed by your past.

You have far more control over your life than you realize.
Choose to get out of the blame and victim game and take responsibility for your life.
You can do it.

 

 

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Destiny by Design

Your character become your destiny

Destiny is where you are headed in life, where you will eventually end up. It is your goals and dreams about your future. Following are three factors that will influence your destiny.

  1. Your destiny will be influenced by others
  2. Your destiny will be influenced by factors you are not consciously aware of
  3. Your destiny will be influenced by you

Perhaps you had a parent, friend or boss who was determined that they knew what was best for you and even if you felt otherwise, you complied to please them, but you were not happy, you knew there was something else you would rather be doing with your life.

Perhaps you find yourself at a place you never intended to be at, situations like homelessness, job loss, divorce, bad relationships, poor health or poverty. These usually happen when you fail to plan out your life and don’t consider how your daily choices affect your future.

We are taught to blame others for our lot in life, to play the victim role. However, you actually have far more control over your destiny than you may realize through the choices you make. Your destiny is the accumulation of all your life choices, even those that felt small and insignificant at the time you made them. So choose wisely.

If you do not like the direction your life is taking you, the good news is that you can redirect yourself at any time. Where would you like to be in 6 months, 1 year, 5 years from now? Do you want to change jobs, get an education, improve your relationships, travel, grow spiritually, start a new hobby? Who do you need to connect with to make this happen? What changes do you need to make in your beliefs, thoughts, words, actions, habits and character to create the future you want to live? You get to create your life destiny by the choices you make today.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

 

 

Freedom

On Independence day we celebrate the freedom given to us when we become the United States of America. So what does it really mean to be free? I define freedom as no longer being enslaved to something or controlled by someone. To be able to make your own choices in life. While we like to talk about how free we are, most of us are enslaved or controlled by something and one of those things is a spirit of fear. People live with so much fear, they normalize it, unaware of how much fear is directing their life.  Perhaps you have experienced some of these:

  • Fear of what other people are going to think about you
  • Fear of not having enough money, food, clothing, friends, likes, etc.
  • Fear of displeasing someone and having them upset with you
  • Fear of asking for what you really want, asserting yourself
  • Fear of being different, being your own authentic self
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of self, your own personal power
  • Fear of God, that he will punish you, not give you want you want, be displeased with you
  • Fear of leaving the beliefs you were raised in that no longer serve you
  • Fear of failure, making a mistake, not doing everything perfectly
  • Fear of change, new ways of thinking, new beliefs, new technologies

These are the fears that keep us enslaved. Take some time to evaluate the fears in your life and decide if they are helping or hurting you. How free do you really feel? Then pick one to start with and see how much better you feel once you have released this fear. If you need some help, contact me, I love to set people free from fear.

Feelings: Mine or Yours?

When we feel certain emotions, we automatically believe they belong to us. But sometimes, they don’t. Emotions are energetic vibrations, which is why when you enter a room with other people, you can sometimes feel other people’s emotions. You can be in a great mood and spend some time with someone who is depressed, frustrated or anxious and come away wondering what happened to that great mood you had earlier in the day. The opposite is also true. You could be feeling sad and then spend time with some happy people and walk away feeling much better.  Sometimes it can be difficult for people to sort through which emotions are really theirs. Here are some tips to help you navigate through this.

  1. If you know you are going to be around people, before you enter the room where they are, do a self-check and notice what you are feeling. Then be aware if you sense any changes in this feeling and if so, notice the people you are around and how they are feeling.
  2. When you awaken in the morning, focus on positive, loving feelings so you can be vibrating at higher frequencies during the day and then it will be more difficult for you to pick up the feelings of negativity from others.
  3. Before you go out, do a quick visualization. Visualize yourself encased in a strong energetic bubble where any negativity from others will just bounce off you instead of being absorbed by you.
  4. It these steps don’t help, and you continue to feel overwhelmed by emotions, you may want to seek counseling to help you learn how to process through where they are coming from, what they mean, and how to manage or release them.

 

Intense Feelings: What to do with Them???

From time to time, we all feel these intense feelings welling up within us. Sometimes they are feelings of excitement and joy and other times they are feelings of great fear or inadequacy. These feelings are messages for us, so it is important to acknowledge and listen to them. They can take you in whatever direction you choose.

  1. You can choose to ignore them, medicate them, push them back down and pretend you never felt them. This is called reacting to them, you don’t like the way they make you feel. But feelings are energy, so they never go away and will continue to resurface when re-triggered by things in the present.
  2. You can choose to acknowledge and feel them. It may be a message from the past. What is within you that wants to be healed? Allow yourself to revisit what happened to you and be healed, either on your own or with the help of a friend or professional counselor.
  3. You can choose to acknowledge and feel them. It may be a message form the present. Can you allow yourself to just feel and express whatever the feeling is? Perhaps write a song about it, dance to it, draw a picture of it, sit with it for a while?
  4. You can choose to acknowledge and feel them. It may be a message about the future. What is within you that wants to be expressed in your life? Allow yourself to dream and believe in your creative abilities to make your life and the world around you a better place.

Choose to become friends with your feelings, they are an integral part of who you are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Freedom From Fear

This blog is being written for you, those of you who follow and read my blogs on Word Press. Most of you I have never met or talked with, but I appreciate your interest in what I write about. I wanted to invite you to a series of online classes I am doing on Zoom called Freedom from Fear. Fear is that one emotion we all get to experience on this life journey, some more than others. However, I have found that there are ways we can release these fears, so we can live with more peace and love in our lives and relationships. If you are interested in attending any of these classes, click on the link to register and I will send you an invoice for payment via email.  If you register and pay but can’t attend, I will still send you the video recording and handout. Class fee is $20 for each class.

April 13: Fear of God is about how so many of us were raised to both fear and love God, which is a conflicting message. You cannot love someone you fear. And if you cannot love someone, you cannot trust them, therefore you live with fear. In this class you will learn:

  • Who God is
  • Where this fear came from
  • How this fear manifests in our lives
  • The fear, love, trust cycle
  • How to release this fear

Registration URL:  https://zoom.us/meeting/register/476819004a734be47510d14dfea9e911

April 27: Fear of Self is about how so many of us were raised to fear ourselves and are not even aware of this. We were taught that we are sinners, that there is something wrong with us. We are afraid to access the power within us and allow our true selves to shine. In this class you will learn:

  • Where this fear came from
  • How this fear manifests in our lives
  • Learning who you really are
  • The difference between self-love and selfishness
  • How to release this fear
  • How to be YOU in all your magnificence

Registration URL:  https://zoom.us/meeting/register/7485dcc507d7ef25c5b9141539e44ee6

May 11:   Fear of Other People is about how so many of us were raised to fear other people. We were taught that we need to compete with others or become who they want us to be to be loved and accepted by them. In this class you will learn:

  • Where this fear came from
  • How this fear manifests in our lives
  • The difference between self-esteem and self-image
  • How to break free of people pleasing, enabling and co-dependency
  • How to love other people without losing yourself
  • How to release this fear

Registration URL:  https://zoom.us/meeting/register/2032bb3a9837d91866858a512be5123a

Are You Being Manipulated?

The month of February is all about love and relationships, so I thought I would do a blog series on those difficult relationships we all find ourselves in at times. I am sure you have experienced at least one of these as either the one doing it or the one receiving it:

  • The Manipulator
  • The Addict
  • The Co-dependent
  • The Abuser
  • The Entitled One
  • The All Talk no Action
  • The Victim
  • The Narcissist
  • The Drama Queen

And I’m sure there may be a few more I forgot about. Today I will blog about the manipulator.

Manipulative people have a strong need to be in control. When not in control, they feel threatened. This may derive from underlying feelings of insecurity on their part, although they often compensate for these feelings with a show of strong self-confidence. Even though they may deny it, their motives are self-serving, and they pursue their aims regardless of the cost to other people. They have a strong need to feel superior and powerful in their relationships – and they find people who will validate these feelings by going along with their attempts at manipulation. If you exert power over them, they retaliate to gain back the control they feel they lost. They cannot understand the idea that everyone can feel empowered or that everyone can gain. Here are some things you will experience with a manipulator:

  • They manipulate your words to make themselves look good and you look bad.
  • They tell you they want to do something to help you and then when they finally do it they whine and complain the whole time.
  • They tell you something and later deny they ever said it.
  • They guilt you into doing what they want
  • They say and do things to turn people against each other and then act like they had nothing to do with it
  • They blame others rather than admit when they are at fault.

If this sounds like someone you know, don’t tell them how their behavior is affecting you, most manipulators are not capable of empathy and may use this information against you in the future. The only effective method of changing manipulative behavior is to disable it by making a change within yourself, thereby changing the relationship dynamics. If you cease to cooperate with the manipulative tactics, you will alter the nature of the relationship. A good counselor can help you learn how to do this. When manipulators have to work hard to maintain control in the relationship, they usually give up – often by leaving the relationship and finding someone else to control.

 

 

 

Creating a Culture Without Sexual Harassment/Abuse

This idea may sound like an impossibility, but we create the world we live in so when we as a collective society decide we want this, it will happen. It may take a generation to turn things around, but we first need to make the decision to begin the process and commit to do what it takes. Following are the areas I believe we need to focus on: Family, Gender Identity and Equality, Sexuality, Religion and Media.

Family
It starts in the family. If you have been a victim or perpetrator of this behavior, seek counseling and healing to stop this generational curse from continuing down to the next generation. If a child comes to you reporting abuse or harassment, listen and believe them. Get them into counseling so they can heal rather than carry this around with them into adulthood.
As parents we need to raise our sons and daughters to respect each other, to have empathy for each other, to understand how their choices affect each other, that when someone tells you no, it means NO. Don’t try to force people to change their mind, ignore what they told you or force yourself on them.

Gender Identity and Equality
Parents, instill in your children that their worth and value comes from who they are: wonderful, creative, loving human beings created in the image of God, rather than from their gender or what they do. Parents do not put your children in competitive situations where they need to prove their worth with siblings or other children or need to do something to earn a parent’s love and approval. Teach them to respect and value both genders equally.
God is a balance of both feminine and masculine energies and so are each of us as his creation. We have been taught to see ourselves as separate and fear our differences. However, it is time for us to accept both the masculine and feminine energy within us and learn how to appropriately express rather than suppress them.
We each bring our own unique abilities and personality and when we respect and affirm each other, there is no reason to feel superior or to harm anyone else. A man’s identity needs to change where it is not based in being superior to a woman.
Being put in powerful position does not mean you get to do whatever you want at the expense of other people. It means you have greater responsibility to be a positive role model and work together as a team, respecting everyone regardless of where they are on the hierarchy of power, gender or social status.

Sexuality
We were all created by God to be sexual beings, but few people are taught what healthy sexuality looks and feels like. It was created to be an expression of love and unity between two people. It was never meant to be used to dominate, harm or manipulate someone, to get attention, or to use someone for your own personal gratification.
Sexuality is meant to be expressed, not repressed. People no longer get married in their teens and early twenties and expecting them to wait for any sexual expression until they get married after 30 is unrealistic and unhealthy. Sexual energy when repressed leaks out through inappropriate sexual behaviors such as harassment and abuse. This does not give you permission to sexually do whatever you want to whomever, whenever. Any sexual encounter should be a consensual act of love between two adults.

Religion
The religious beliefs many of us were raised in concerning sexuality and gender roles are outdated and need to change. However, people fear making changes because they fear God will punish them if they do. Many of these beliefs were written in a culture thousands of years ago that was very different from the one we live in today.  Let’s agree together to see the following truths established in religion:

  • Men and women are of equal value
  • Men and women are both capable of leadership positions
  • Women were not created to submit to men or come under their control
  • Woman and men have equal access to God
  • Sexuality is something to be celebrated, not shamed or repressed
  • Men are fully capable of controlling their sexual desires if they choose to
  • Religious leaders who sexually harass or abuse others need to be held accountable and receive healing.

Media
Quit watching, reading or buying media that promotes sexual harassment and abuse, pornography or gender inequality. Whether it is TV, internet, books or movies, you can vote with your money and your time. When fewer people promote this, they will be forced to create media that is more positive in how it portrays humanity.

Societal change begins slowly and then gains momentum. Be patient. If we each agree to do at least some of the things in this blog, it can turn our society around for the better. Individuals create families who create communities who make up a society. Don’t underestimate the power of one individual to turn things around. It took one brave woman coming forth and talking to start the momentum we see now to create a society where men and women can work and live together from a place of love rather than fear. Let the change begin with you.

Why Now??

Sexual harassment and abuse have most likely been going for thousands of years. What God created to be an equal and respectful relationship between genders turned into one gender wanting power and control over the other and putting them in a place of submission under them. So why is everyone coming forward now about being sexually harassed or abused? If you look at this issue from the aspect of the fear love continuum, the earlier generations were based in fear. Fear controlled their lives, life was about survival of the fittest, war was the method to resolve conflicts, people saw themselves as separate from each other, competition more important than cooperation, life was hierarchical, and male dominated. In a fear based culture, someone needs to be the one in control and then subdue others to insure they keep their place of dominance at the top.

In 2012, there was an energetic shift on the planet and the love vibration of the collective population/consciousness of mankind finally surpassed that of fear. Now that love is in control, everything related to fear is being brought to the surface, so it can be transmuted into love. The Bible talks about a time when what was done in darkness will be shouted from the housetops and where your sins will find you out. This is a time when everyone’s “junk” is coming to the surface and they are being given a choice to admit and face it, seek help and receive healing, or continue to deny it and remain in a place of fear, insecurity and separation. So, choose wisely when your junk erupts.

So, I thank God that our society is going through a state of turmoil, because the only way injustice can be healed is to be brought out of the darkness and into the light. I am grateful for all the women who found the courage to come forward and talk about their experiences.  When we learn what we need to learn, heal from what we need to heal, and successfully make these positive changes in our society, we will have created a much better world for us and future generations to live in. A world where men and women respect each other, where men and women have balanced out the feminine and masculine energies within themselves. A world where our beliefs and actions are motivated by love rather than fear.

In next week’s blog I will address how we can create a culture without sexual abuse and harassment.